How to deal with a death as an acquaintance?

How do you express your condolences? Is there a dress code for funerals? And do we bring flowers to the funeral? Find out more here.

Who makes oral condolences?

Condolences should be made orally (in person or by telephone), especially to close relatives or friends.

Avoid empty phrases. It is better to say: «I’m sorry» or «Words fail me». You can also simply press someone's hand in silence or give someone a hug without saying anything.

What is important is that it comes from the heart, that you show compassion and that you condole as soon as possible.

Written condolences - some rules

Condolences are usually handwritten. Memorial cards or simple white paper are suitable.

Use a white envelope without a black border (this is used by the bereaved family only) and use a stamp (not a franking machine).

Never write a letter of condolence as a fax or an email.

How to write a letter of condolence

Be authentic and personal and avoid empty phrases.

Express your sadness, send your sincerest sympathy and say some words about the deceased (example: We all knew your father as a modest man who was always ready to help. We will greatly miss his cheerfulness and his positive attitude to life).

If your relationship with the bereaved is close, you can also offer your help, if appropriate. You can end such a letter with the words «My thoughts are with you» or simply with your signature. You can find help here.

What do I wear to a funeral?

Black is considered the most popular funeral attire in Western cultures, though with the increase in less traditional bereavements, a more casual, possibly colorful outfit may fit the occasion as well.

Nevertheless: opt for simple and formal clothes, avoid ostentatious colors, opt for darker shades, gray or dark blue if possible.

If you are unsure of what to wear, it’s important to be respectful to the deceased. The family may set a specific dress code, or want you to wear a certain color. This has to be respected.

Flowers - hand them over personally or have them delivered?

Since a bereavement, and especially the day of the funeral, is associated with great physical and psychological stress for the bereaved, flowers are usually delivered by a florist:

to the bereaved before the funeral, flowers for the grave in time for the funeral.

Do people also bring flowers to the funeral?

There is a beautiful custom of taking a single flower (e.g. rose, sunflower, lily) to the funeral and placing it by the coffin or urn.

There is much compassion and comfort in this gesture.